I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
