I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
