mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
