Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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