I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
