It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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