like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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