ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
