I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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