I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think people are normalizing furries
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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