Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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