The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i am craving dick and cupcakes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
