the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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