just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
