You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
