haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
