I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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