if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
