You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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