Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
