Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
