youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
is it fun? or sober?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
