Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
