I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
