Banned from zoo.
Again?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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