She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
