Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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