I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
