I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
