you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was like eating out sand paper
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
