just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
