Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you had me at cake vodka
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
