If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
