Buhtt sex?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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