I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
