I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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