Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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