Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
