Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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