Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
