No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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