During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
