She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
