I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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