we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize