you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
