so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
