; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
