I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
