tonight lets celebrate not being married
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
