you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
