I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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