So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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