My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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