every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
my liver is dry heaving
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
