i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
