JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
