Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
