Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
