Screwed.edu
People with herpes should wear stickers.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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