I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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