can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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