New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
