I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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