So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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