Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
