i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
