I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
