Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
