I looked at my own cervix.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
