She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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