If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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