Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
