I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
