We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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