question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
