Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
