ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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