ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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