Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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